Bubba's beastmaster is a '67
Ford F-100 with 197,000 on the clock. He's the (proud) ninth owner. (Earl's
just amazed thet Bubba kin count that high!) One of the previous owners had it just
two weeks, and lost it in what was probably not the wisest poker game strategy. It's
been beat to death all it's life -- and looks it. It's got the same unknown,
unrebuilt, junkyard '66 Fairlane 289 hooked up to the original truck tree-speed stick that
was in it when Bubba bought it.
If ya try to "speed shift" 1-2 (a
two-foot throw, at least), it'll jam in BOTH 1st AND 2nd, requiring you to stop, get out,
crawl underneath, and re-set the shift arms in neutral -- and if that's in traffic -- then
too bad -- be quick about it!
It's got extra "Farmer Brown" -style
rear spring leaves, so when it's unloaded, it's got a nice rake. It don't sit flat
(or ride good) until Bubba's got 2000 pounds on it.
It's loud, smokes a bit, and it's a GREAT test
for new girlfriends. If they can "take" the "TRUCK TEST" and
pass, then it MUST be love! They are, however, not required to drive it -- so far,
Bubba's zero for three on that one, LOL! (Earl, however, is thinkin' that if the
particular gal in question kin git past the smell o' Bubba's feet -- THEN he's got love on
that thar treble hook!)
Bubba runs Earl's cast-off Bronco radials when
he's done with 'em... While the brakes work, they're kinda like Forrest Gump's mom
always said, "Ya never know what yer gonna git."
The stereo is cool, but ya can't hear it over
the truck itself on the highway. You can see the road through the shifter hole that
the previous idiot (oops, owner) whacked in there. Other than that, the interior's
still good, cause it's all metal. No shoulder belts, just laps -- from the factory.
In 1989, it overheated on a -23-degree (actual
temperature) day, but after yanking the t-stat and refilling it, it was one of FOUR
vehicles in a 344-unit apartment complex that moved that day. It got nine people to work
and back.
It's got squat for compression because there's
no piston rings left, but it'll yank a house off the foundation (if Bubba smokes the
clutch) and it'd go to California right now if it was asked to.
Bubba gave $250 (2-5-0) for it in 1989, where
he found it sunk in the mud of a farmer's back 40, where he had a little "auto
recycling" business going, and it had already lost its battery, carb, and hunks of
the distributor....Bubba actually had to run his the dog off so he could look at it...
after it was towed home, Earl was thinkin' that Bubba might-a gave $249.50 too much for
it, but scariest part is that he's gettin' catalogs full of restoration parts for it now,
and he ain't done usin' it for a truck yet!
And, it really, actually, passes a LEGAL (and stringent) Missouri State Safety Inspection!
(no emissions -- it's too old -- :P)
-- Bubba Turniptruck
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